that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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