so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
