Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
