I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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