There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
