I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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