Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why is your signature on my underwear?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
