well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
