WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
