So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Less talking, more tequila
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
