:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
