Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
