$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
