Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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