talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
