I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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