my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
