I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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