He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
