so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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