i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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