Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We're too hungover to prance.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
