my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
