I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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