I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
