After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
