So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's shark week go big or go home
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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