Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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