Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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