if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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