i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
