Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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