He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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