He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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