Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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