If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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