Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
