apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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