Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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