I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
