My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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