Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
