I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
