I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
