Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
