I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
