Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
