I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
