I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much