Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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(501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr

Replies (15) Good night (1892) Bad night (2399)
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(214): View more from Texas

Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.

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(214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake. http://tfl.nu/8hx0

Replies (17) Good night (1208) Bad night (3870)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.

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(860): i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser. http://tfl.nu/vxnr

Replies (27) Good night (4163) Bad night (1209)
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(415): View more from California

He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.

(650): View more from California

.......................................

(415): View more from California

My thoughts exactly.

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(415): He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic. (650): ....................................... (415): My thoughts exactly. http://tfl.nu/05rl

Replies (6) Good night (1005) Bad night (2993)
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(847): View more from Illinois

you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.

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(847): you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after. http://tfl.nu/68kq

Replies (10) Good night (1326) Bad night (4874)
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(207): View more from Maine

he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem

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(207): he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem http://tfl.nu/s9hf

Replies (7) Good night (1217) Bad night (3023)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?

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(703): Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday? http://tfl.nu/wnf1

Replies (8) Good night (1717) Bad night (680)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.

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(715): So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room. http://tfl.nu/stph

Replies (4) Good night (1667) Bad night (821)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.

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(920): The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight. http://tfl.nu/gkvw

Replies (3) Good night (1375) Bad night (758)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...

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(231): Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans... http://tfl.nu/n7qg

Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (1053)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.

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(704): Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood. http://tfl.nu/f31d

Replies (3) Good night (531) Bad night (992)
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(541): View more from Oregon

We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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(541): We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin. http://tfl.nu/h15a

Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (450)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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(815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1

Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (370)
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(979): View more from Texas

Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.

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(979): Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo. http://tfl.nu/7yqz

Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (297)
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(641): View more from Iowa

Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.

(641): View more from Iowa

I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.

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(641): Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground. (641): I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall. http://tfl.nu/v6jy

Replies (1) Good night (329) Bad night (223)

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