dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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