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• (845): View more from New York

  whjeg hajt iyt

  (914): View more from New York

  say what?

  (845): View more from New York

  wanna hang out?

  Fav 8 1751 818

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Especially drunk mermaids.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.

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• (209): View more from California

  Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He stole my heart. I stole his identity.

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