you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.