U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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