Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
