Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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