my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize