Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize