You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
