You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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