I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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