I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
