the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
