I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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