Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
