and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
