My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
