your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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