i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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