I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
