I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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