I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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