In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
