32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
