How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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