Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
