so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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