i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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