I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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