Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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