A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
