I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
