i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
