im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't EVER smell your tampon
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
