I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
